


That Look

by sorchafyre



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Angst, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-10
Updated: 2011-10-10
Packaged: 2017-10-24 11:52:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/263199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorchafyre/pseuds/sorchafyre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Gojyo POV musing on Hakkai and Sanzo's complex relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Look

**Author's Note:**

> Acknowledgements and Disclaimers: I don't own Saiyuki or any of its related characters, they belong to Kazuya Minekura, I'm just sneaking onto her playground sliding down the zip cord. Soundtrack is "Sand and the Foam" by Dan Fogleberg. :shrug: Make Gojyo explain that to you because I can't. First published 10-Oct-01

Additional Disclaimer: The opinions expressed herein are those of Gojyo and do not necessarily reflect that of the management.

Shit, they're doing it again. In a room full of people, with me and the monkey at the same damn table.

Hakkai's been on edge all day. It's really easy to tell when you've made Hakkai mad, or he's run across something that made him remember that crap in his past. Don't let the way he sounds fool you, he's easy to read. I was going to talk him into heading down to the bar with me later, sort of see if I could get him to open up, you know? Then Sanzo says three damn words and gives him _**That Look**_ and Hakkai just laughs and relaxes.

The sad, pathetic, really fucking amusing thing is that I don't think either of them know how _intimate_ that kind of shit is. I know that if I ever gave Sanzo a clue what it looked like, it would never happen again. At least not in front of anyone, and maybe not ever. And damned if I'll let Hakkai suffer for that monk's pride.

Yeah, go ahead you two, act like it means nothing. Hell, for all I know, it _isn't_ anything to either of them.

I learned a long time ago that it's no use wanting things, 'cause even if you want something so bad it tears you up, sometimes it just isn't gonna happen. All I know is that it doesn't matter how long I live with Hakkai, doesn't matter that I could tumble him into bed if I put my mind to it, doesn't matter that we've laughed and drank, saved each other's lives and fought and bled and damn near died together; I'll never have that instant understanding thing he has with Sanzo.

Some nights that's alright and some nights... it's not.

But I can see that coldness Hakkai sometimes gets, when he forgets that I know how to look. Yeah, he's stopped letting the past control him and all that crap, but he's never really gonna trust himself, not down where it counts. And I can see when Sanzo pulls his mystic crap from nowhere and says that one really hard thing that lets him know what an ass he's being. He's done it to me enough times and while it's never comfortable, at least it's always true. And it always takes that look away.

So yeah, I guess I'll have another beer and go find a warm, willing girl, all giggles and no brain, 'cause that... _that's_ what I understand.


End file.
